Out of Reach and Other Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like I am always trying to get on top of things in my life. Like I am just trying to get a handle on things and never getting ahead. It just feels like everything I want is just out of reach and there is no way for me to reach it.

As I thought about these things I realize this is the exact thing Christ does for us. He makes these things we want and need that seem so out of reach attainable. Through the atonement we either get the things we want/need or the things we want/need become less valuable to us and they are forgotten. If I can just figure out a way to "Come Unto Christ" and stay there for the long haul.

I am beginning to think God has more in mind for me than I have for myself. Gospel basics of prayer, scripture study, going to church, etc are just not going to cut it anymore. I feel like a child who has outgrown their training wheels. I can't go where I need to go and at the speed I need to get there with my "training wheels" of the gospel. It is just not enough to satisfy my need to be near my Savior.

The scripture "to whom much is given much is required" keeps running through my head. I am very blessed. Another reason I think God wants more from me is that I have been requesting many miracles in my life. Miracles come after a trial of faith.

Faith can be a very hard principle for me to follow. It requires a lot of trust. Trust is not something I come by naturally. Trust isn't something I learned as a child. In fact I learned to only trust myself. I learned that when you put your trust in others you will always hurt and they will always let you down. I have slowly learned how to trust and forgive at the same time. Of course people are going to make mistakes sometimes and people are by nature selfish. They want to do what is best for them and sometimes that doesn't include meeting my needs.

I have been very selective in whom I trust and with the things I trust them with. And even though God has always been there, has never let me down, and has always kept his promises, I still find it difficult to let go enough to always have faith and move forward with the things he asks of me.

In reading about faith I have come across the story about the Israelites transporting the ark of the covenant under the leadership of Joshua (Joshua 3:7-17). They came to the river Jordan. They had been promised that the waters would part and they would be able to cross on dry ground. However, the water would not part until until they had stepped into the water. They showed God that they trusted him and had faith by taking that first step into the water, believing ti would be parted.

Sometimes I feel too afraid to take that first step and get my feet wet or I do and then, being afraid I'll drowned, I step out of the water before the miracle can occur. I think for the most part I am not afraid that God won't follow through with his promises, but what he will ask of me and he'll give me exactly what I want.

Even though I do have fear and am not sure what God wants me to do, I am going to make the effort to do all that is asked of me. I am going to step it up and not just live the basics of the gospel, but live the fullness of the gospel. Follow Christ. Because I believe God when he promises "Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you". I want the things I am asking for and there are many "doors" in my life I want opened. I want miracles to occur in my life and I believe the only way this will occur is for me to "forget myself and go to work" putting my faith in God and doing what he asks of me.