Birth Doesn't Hurt?

I believe that childbirth can be pain free (last birth). I believe this because I have experienced it. I have also experienced childbirth being painful (with my two previous births). What changed was my belief about childbirth. I learned about the pain-fear cycle and how to create in my mind an ideal pain free birth. Believing in myself, my ability to give birth to my child and knowing how this could be done helped to change my perception of child birth.

I saw this quote today from Ina May Gaskin, in her book "Spiritual Midwifery".

"There is extraordinary psychological benefit in belonging to a group
of women who have positive stories to tell about their birth
experiences. This phenomenon is exactly what developed within our
village.

So many horror stories circulate about birth-especially in the United
States-that it can be difficult for women to believe that labor and
birth can be a beneficial experience. If you have been pregnant for a
while, it's probable that you've already heard some scary birth
stories from friends or relatives.

This is especially true if you live in the United States, where
telling pregnant women gory stories has been a national pastime for
at least a century. Now that birth has become a favorite subject of
television dramas and situation comedies, this trend has been even
more pronounced.

No one has explained the situation more succinctly than Stephen King
in his novella "The Breathing Method." Commenting on the fear many
women have of birth, his fictional character observes, "Believe me:
if you are told that some experience is going to hurt, it will hurt.
Most pain is in the mind, and when a woman absorbs the idea that the
act of giving birth is excruciatingly painful-when she gets this
information from her mother, her sisters, her married friends, and
her physician-that woman has been mentally prepared to feel great
agony." King, you may not know, is the father of several children
born at home."

Why do we as women destroy another woman's birth experience by telling her how awful birth is? Why are we so negative about one of the most beautiful and natural experiences on this earth? I would like to challenge all of us to be positive about child birth and mothering. Tell women what an amazing experience birth is. Tell them about the amazing way our bodies create a person and the amazing way we bring that person into this world.

If you have had a bad birth experience, keep it to yourself. As women a lot of times we want recognition and attention for things we do. Sometimes we want sympathy for bad things that have happened to us or the hard things we've had to do. Sometimes we want to be heroes and be known to others for a specific thing we did. We tell these stories over and over again. What we sometimes don't realize is how this affects first time moms or even mothers who are having their 2nd, 3rd child or so on. Our minds are very powerful and when being told a story we can see it vividly in our minds. Our mind doesn't always know the difference between what is imagined and what is real. Pregnant women are already emotional, they already have their own set of fears and worries. They don't need other women telling them their horror stories and putting upon them their fears and worries.

There are times that we tell our stories about birth thinking we are helping to prepare the pregnant woman for what could happen. We are smart, we know there are risks associated with pregnancy and birth. It is no secret. However, pregnant women don't need those risks magnified and described in a way that they themselves feel like they have experienced them. We set ourselves up to fail when we focus on the risks and potential problems of pregnancy and birth. We create that experience in our mind and that experience becomes our reality.

I know I've probably been guilty of telling women not-so-positive things about birth. Here and now I am going to commit to telling positive and wonderful things about birth. It is my goal to empower women with information, knowledge and positive experiences, not fear.

Please tell a different story!