New Hair

I got my hair cut and colored. I decided to go red again. This red has a lot of brown in it. I also purchased some Aveda shampoo and conditioner for colored hair. Boy was that expensive! I'm hoping my color will stay longer than it did than the hair color I did in November.

I really like the cut too! My friend Mimi (who has been my friend since we were 8) does my hair. I pretty much only trust her to do it. Thanks Mimi for my sexy new hair!

When My Testimony Hangs by a Thread

When my testimony of the Restored Gospel hangs on one principle or promise I find myself stuck in a pattern of sorrow and doubt. Last night we got together with a 3 other couples from our ward and went to a park. Marci gave a nice lesson from the Ensign about Special Experiences. It helped me remember all of the many small, yet significant experiences I've had that have collectively strengthened my testimony. There hasn't been one HUGE experience or event that gave me my testimony or sparked my conversion to the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. There have been times when I have been hung up on a promise, an event, or a principle of the Gospel. When this happens I can't seem to focus on anything else. There have been times when this has caused me to get depressed and seclude myself from others. I begin questioning everything else I thought I knew.

One time in particular that comes time is when I was trying to get pregnant. In 2005 I had been praying and felt that it was time to have another baby. We had not planned on having any more kids till TJ finished school in 2006. I didn't know how TJ would feel about me telling him I felt it was time to have more kids. I was also having other difficulties and feeling insecure about many things in my life. I didn't know how I could even consider having another child. I prayed about the fact that I didn't want to tell TJ about my feelings. I was told that Heavenly Father would handle it.

A few weeks later TJ and I were out on our weekly date. He noticed a baby at the store and said "Do you want to have another baby?" I was a little taken back, but said I did and relayed my experience to him. I really felt strongly about having another baby and knew there was a child waiting to come to our family. After talking together and going over the things in our lives we decided to hold off a little longer to have a baby. I think fear was our biggest feeling at this time. I know that it is impossible to have faith when you have fear (great talk on faith and fear). We decided to wait a few more months and see how things went.

When we finally decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant I was unable to get pregnant. Time after time, month after month I failed to get pregnant. It was a very trying time for me. I mostly kept my feelings to myself. I wondered why I couldn't get pregnant after the strong feelings I had that I was suppose to get pregnant and about this child that was to come to our family. I wondered if it was because of my hesitation and fear to have another child. Was I being punished for not having faith? Did I really experience what I thought I had experienced? I was becoming depressed and confused. Then other difficulties entered my life and it became harder and harder for me to want to have another baby. However, I kept having this nagging feeling that I needed to have another baby. After, a year and a half (which seemed like forever to me! I know other's suffer much longer with infertility) I was pregnant. The feelings of joy overwhelmed me as I began my journey of bringing another life into this world and into our family. I was extremely grateful for this experience of creating life. I felt ever more close to my Heavenly Father and I began to remember past experiences when I had felt him close to me and his great love for me. The thought "faith precedes the miracle" kept coming to my mind.

As I grew, then birthed my beautiful baby I was amazed by the experience. I continue to be amazed by the creation of human life. It is so simple, yet so miraculous. Fingers, toes, eyes, hands, ears, tongue, the amazing intricacies of the internal organs, the way that everything works together to sustain life. It's just amazing to me! The way that we start as little helpless babies and grow into adults, it's just remarkable. Being a mother has definitely strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father and the plan of happiness.

In the April 2008 Ensign there is an article titled “The Joy of Nurturing Children.” It is a collection of experiences of people nurturing children in their lives. The last experience is titled The Plan I Didn’t Understand. It's a very beautiful story about a woman who is unable to get pregnant. She explains,

"My husband and I had been raised in large Latter-day Saint families, and we had looked forward to having a large family of our own. But when I did not become pregnant, our concern began to grow. I went to the doctor, and he told me I had a medical condition that often produced infertility in women. He said the probability of my getting pregnant would likely decrease further over the years. I went home in tears but clung desperately to a hope—a special promise given in my patriarchal blessing that I would give birth to and raise children. I remained optimistic."

Through the years they adopted many children. She explains how this one promise started to threaten her testimony of the gospel. The promise in her patriarchal blessing kept nagging at her in the back of her mind.

"I wondered: 'If I never have a biological child, will I still believe the Church is true? Does my entire testimony hang on the fulfillment of this one blessing?'

I struggled with these questions until I grew strong enough to say in my heart, “Even if the promise is never fulfilled in this life, the Church is still true. There are too many evidences of its truthfulness to deny it based on this one point.”

When I finally came to grips with this issue, my faith blossomed, and I was no longer nagged by the problem. It just didn’t matter."

When their youngest child was 5 she went to the dr with some health problems only to find out that she was pregnant. Her husband was shocked. He said

"When I told my husband, he grinned and said, “If you’re pregnant, I’m Zacharias, and we’ll name him John.” We both laughed. Seven months later “John” was born."

They went on to have another baby boy about a year later. The fulfillment of this promise strengthened her testimony. She explained how the real test of faith had come before her son was born. I really like this quote:

"My greatest test was when I had to look at the foundation of my testimony and decide if it rested solely on the fulfillment of a single promise."

When I have been faced with uncertainties in my belief and seemed to be overwhelmed by doubt, I look at the foundation of my faith and testimony. Why is it that I believed before I was faced with this challenge? What has happened in my life that brought me to the belief in the first place? When I review the events and experiences in my life that gave me faith, strengthened my testimony and are the foundation of my testimony, I remember why it is that I believe. It is the collection of small things that create my foundation. I have placed small stones into my foundation as I have gone through trials and have had promises fulfilled. I don't always believe, but I always have faith. When fear enters my life, I face that fear with faith and reflect on the times when my faith was the strongest. I am very grateful for the experiences that I have had that have brought me to a belief in God and the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Barack Obama is Cunning and Flattering...oh and a Liar

This statement or some form of it has been heard many times during the campaign. Here, Here, Here and Here are examples of what people are saying.

I have heard a few of his speeches and he comes across as intelligent, well spoken, and personable. He seems like the type of person that would listen and try to understand where you are coming from, before making a decision. From what I have read, seen and heard about him I find him to be a well rounded person who is open to new ideas and respectful towards other's beliefs and values. I believe him to be a person of integrity and optimism. Obama has promised a lot of change in connection with his campaign. His love for the country, his family and fellow Americans gives him hope and optimism to be able to make these changes reality. Obama values civil rights of all Americans. The environment is important to him and he has plans to improve our quality of life by improving the environment. Being a good neighbor to other countries is important to Obama. He believes in good relationships with other countries and believes there are better ways to handle differing beliefs other than war. What's so bad about talking things through before waging a full on war? I try to teach my kids to solve disagreements with words instead of fists. Obama's mother raised him to be a good Christian man.

I believe the experiences he has had in his life give him this type of hope and optimism. He was raised in a very diverse family. These experiences give him the type of life knowledge necessary to pull off a great presidency. He is NOT a seasoned politician. This is one of the things I like about him. He hasn't been groomed by the system of politics. He has no special interests, other than those of the American people. He will NOT be making laws to satisfy those powerful lobbyists who have given him money. He will only be making laws to satisfy the lives of the American people.

The attack Obama for being a well spoken man, reminds me of the criticisms of Joseph Smith, Jr. He was a friendly, well spoken and personable man, who had a great love for people. When he spoke people listened. He was very optimistic after receiving the first vision and I'm sure he felt confident that he could bring about great changes in his life, the lives of his family, the country, and the world. Some of his ideas were outrageous and unheard of in his day. He took on some of the beliefs of many other well spoken highly religious men. Many people believed what he said and chose to follow him. Family members of those who chose to follow Joseph Smith, Jr. were concerned that their family members were being sweet talked and conned by this cunning man.

Was Joseph Smith Jr. a liar and a con artist looking to destroy the lives of other's with his prophecies and his "new church"? Was he trying to serve his own personal interests and get personal gain? I certainly don't think so. I believe what happened to him actually did happen and he didn't understand why people didn't believe him. Even though many did not believe him and did many horrible things to him because of what he said, he remained optimistic and continued on in his pursuit of change to better himself, his family, the country and the world. He did everything in his power to bring about this change.

Is Barack Obama a liar and a con artist looking to destroy the lives of other's with his hope for change and his new ideas? Is he trying to serve his own personal interests and get personal gain? I don't think so. I believe he is sincere in his quest for change and I think he'll do everything in his power to bring about that change. Obama has laid out how to make his plans work. He wants this change for everyone. He believes in fairness and equality. His ideas and plans for taxes and health care are an example of his quest for fairness and equality. By repealing President's Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy and giving better tax breaks for average Americans, Obama creates more equality. Another example of Obama's desire for fairness and equality are his plans for helping families become stronger, wealthier, and healthier. You can read more about how he values families here. What could be better than fairness and equality?

As a true gentleman, Obama has taken the criticism and attacks he has received, stayed cool, calm and optimistic while continuing on his pursuit for change. I admire him for not lashing out at those who have attacked him. When people attacked him for attending a church where a preacher made questionable comments, Obama gave his faith speech. This speech was a much better way of fighting back. Instead of attacking those that had attacked him, he used his intelligence and words to prove to people that he is a person of integrity and did not share the opinions of his fellow church goer. For a politician, I think he has done a good job of running a clean campaign. I really admire him.