I'm in Love

It was almost instantaneous. The moment I heard about this person I fell in love with them. At first I was more in love with the idea of this person. As time has gone on and I've had more experiences with this person, my love has grown. My love will continue to grow as time goes on. I have experienced this type of love a few times in my life. There are probably many others who love this person and I am sure many others who have experienced this type of love before.

Now here's the weird part, I have never seen this person physically. Images of this person have briefly been within my view. I know there will come a time soon when I will see him and I know that will make me love him even more.

There are probably many reason I love this person. Sacrifices in my life have been made for this person. I've felt this person. I've had growth and changes in my life because of this person. This person is my unborn son. I am 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant. After what felt like a really long time of trying, I was able to get pregnant. Who knows why it took so long, but it is worth the wait.

It may seem strange to some that I could love something/someone in this way. I don't know this person in a typical way. But I do know some of his personality. I have experienced his movements, his growth and changes. He is the result of my deep commitment and love for my husband. I love him because he is part of me. This baby is also the result of my love and commitment to my Heavenly Father. Bringing life into this world has been an act of faith for me. This time maybe more than the previous 2 times I have experienced it. With much prayer and contemplation I knew that this baby was to come to our family. He is ready to come to this world at this time and I know that Heavenly Father is there to help guide and direct me and help me raise this child. As he has lovingly helped me to begin raising my older son and daughter. Even with the bad things in this world and the uncertainty I have had in my personal life, I knew it was right to bring this baby into this world.

I find myself very concerned for his welfare and safety. I've made great changes in my life so that he can have the best start to his life as possible. This love is deeper than any other love I've experienced. The love I have felt as a mother for my children, both before and after birth, is very unique. It comes naturally. I did not have to learn to love them. I didn't begin loving them after they grew up and were able to interact with me. I didn't begin loving them when they started having interests in things I liked and was interested in. I have always loved them. I can't find a time I didn't love them. My love for them has always existed and will never go away. I will always love them. My love can only grow stronger as I see them grow up and have their own lives.

This person is very special and important to me. I call this person Isaac James Hunter.

I love PhotoShop

Fun thing I did with PhotoShop today.

Out of Reach and Other Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like I am always trying to get on top of things in my life. Like I am just trying to get a handle on things and never getting ahead. It just feels like everything I want is just out of reach and there is no way for me to reach it.

As I thought about these things I realize this is the exact thing Christ does for us. He makes these things we want and need that seem so out of reach attainable. Through the atonement we either get the things we want/need or the things we want/need become less valuable to us and they are forgotten. If I can just figure out a way to "Come Unto Christ" and stay there for the long haul.

I am beginning to think God has more in mind for me than I have for myself. Gospel basics of prayer, scripture study, going to church, etc are just not going to cut it anymore. I feel like a child who has outgrown their training wheels. I can't go where I need to go and at the speed I need to get there with my "training wheels" of the gospel. It is just not enough to satisfy my need to be near my Savior.

The scripture "to whom much is given much is required" keeps running through my head. I am very blessed. Another reason I think God wants more from me is that I have been requesting many miracles in my life. Miracles come after a trial of faith.

Faith can be a very hard principle for me to follow. It requires a lot of trust. Trust is not something I come by naturally. Trust isn't something I learned as a child. In fact I learned to only trust myself. I learned that when you put your trust in others you will always hurt and they will always let you down. I have slowly learned how to trust and forgive at the same time. Of course people are going to make mistakes sometimes and people are by nature selfish. They want to do what is best for them and sometimes that doesn't include meeting my needs.

I have been very selective in whom I trust and with the things I trust them with. And even though God has always been there, has never let me down, and has always kept his promises, I still find it difficult to let go enough to always have faith and move forward with the things he asks of me.

In reading about faith I have come across the story about the Israelites transporting the ark of the covenant under the leadership of Joshua (Joshua 3:7-17). They came to the river Jordan. They had been promised that the waters would part and they would be able to cross on dry ground. However, the water would not part until until they had stepped into the water. They showed God that they trusted him and had faith by taking that first step into the water, believing ti would be parted.

Sometimes I feel too afraid to take that first step and get my feet wet or I do and then, being afraid I'll drowned, I step out of the water before the miracle can occur. I think for the most part I am not afraid that God won't follow through with his promises, but what he will ask of me and he'll give me exactly what I want.

Even though I do have fear and am not sure what God wants me to do, I am going to make the effort to do all that is asked of me. I am going to step it up and not just live the basics of the gospel, but live the fullness of the gospel. Follow Christ. Because I believe God when he promises "Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you". I want the things I am asking for and there are many "doors" in my life I want opened. I want miracles to occur in my life and I believe the only way this will occur is for me to "forget myself and go to work" putting my faith in God and doing what he asks of me.

Digging Deeper

I have been thinking what types of things I could write about. As I was writing in my journal last night I realized that I could share some of the personal aspects of my life, my thoughts on life, and how I've dealt with different things in my life.
This isn't something I normally do. I don't normally share this much of me. But, I think it will be interesting for some of those who read my blog (even though I don't think there are many). I think it is a better form of communication for me, rather than talking. I tend to be quite wordy and if I'm talking to someone and they decide they don't want to hear all that I am talking about, they can't just skim through the rest and get out of it what they need. This way if someone doesn't want to read about something I have to say they can move on. Or if they don't have time to read everything I've written they can skim through it and get out of it what they need.
I will still be selective in what I share. Somethings are just too personal and involve other people who probably don't want me to discuss them publicly. This site has become my personal site and I no longer use it for my web design business, so it might as well be used for personal reasons.