Praying for Experiences to Build Faith

This experience was recorded in my personal journal. I've updated the language to reflect the past tense of the experience.

In September of 2006 I was struggling with many things in my life. Because of the struggles I was having I wanted to have a more solid witness that the gospel was true and that God existed. I began praying for experiences that would help to increase my faith and strengthen my testimony. When I would pray for these things I felt that I should go to the temple. I also thought about my uncle Jim (who committed suicide in Aug of 2006). I decided to go to the temple with some sisters in my ward. We went early one Saturday morning. We dressed and went into the chapel. Usually there is someone playing the organ in there. When we came in there wasn't anyone playing. Shortly after we had sat down, a sister came in with a binder, sat at the organ and began to play. The song she began to play was "Lead Kindly Light", the song my sister and I sang at the funeral of my uncle. The experience of singing this song was a special spiritual witness to me. When I heard the song I began to cry a little bit as I felt the spirit testify to me that God had heard my prayers. I thought about how small of an experience it was and I started yearning for something more. The words of one of my favorite songs came to my mind "...I don't need a wondrous sign to know you are divine..." I realized that no matter how small it seemed, it was still a confirmation of God's existence and his love for me.

The next day when I walked into sacrament meeting the sister at the organ was in the middle of playing a song, she finished and began playing "Lead Kindly Light". Again I felt God letting me know he is there and that he knows of my prayer and my desires. He is listening.

On the way to my mother-in-laws home for family home evening "Lead Kindly Light" was on the radio. I again felt the spirit.

I know God is there. I know he loves me by the tender and caring way he leads me and takes care of me. He knows what I need and he knows the best way to give it to me. He does it in the most loving and gentle way.

Deserving of Personal Revelation

I read a blog post this morning that made me think again about something I have been pondering for a long time. I believe we are all deserving of personal revelation. I have heard of people in the depths of sin who, for a moment, humble themselves before God and receive personal revelation. They did not have to become perfect before God spoke to them. Personal revelation comes in many forms. I believe God speaks our language and not just linguistically, but our language of receiving the spirit. I do not believe there is one way that God communicates. Many have said that emotions are the language of the spirit. Do all those who have not learned to communicate with emotion miss out on personal revelation? Would God really not speak to them? God knows us and knows the best way for us to receive his love and communication.

There have been times in my life I have felt emotionally and physically the promptings of the spirit. I have received personal revelation with my eyes and with my heart. God knew what I needed and would accept at that time that he gave me the revelation. It wasn't meant for anyone else, it was meant for me. Sometimes I forget how I felt, what I thought, the pure knowledge that was pouring into my mind, things I've read, and the many other ways I have received personal revelation. Writing these experiences in my journal has helped me to remember. By writing my experiences down I show God that I treasure the gifts of personal revelation I have received. I can go back and read those experiences and in some way experience them all over again.

I heard someone say once "we receive inspiration when we are in spirit". Inspiration means in spirit. I believe our spirit communicates to us. If we are disconnected from our spirit or have ignored so much of what it tries to communicate to us, we tune out or cannot receive the communication. In the blog post I read this morning, he says "Because I felt spiritually separated I turned my search into a purely intellectual pursuit." We cannot look for that which is spiritual only in intellectual things. We may receive pure knowledge flowing in to us as an answer to a question or as God gently teaches or leads us, but we cannot look for that which is spiritual only in intellectual things. Opening up all of our senses allows us to be ready for personal revelation. I believe that is one part of being humble. It is opening up ourselves, our whole selves, to receive. If we ignore or invalidate one part of ourselves we are less likely to be able to receive.

In school we wouldn't just take the tests and not do the homework. If we did we would missing out on the real learning and information. We wouldn't just do the homework, yet not attend the class. I believe we miss out on so much information if we are closed to one way or another of receiving information. There is truth everywhere. We just need to be open to it and be willing to receive.

Is being willing to receive saying "God I want to know, but only if you tell me by showing me an angel"? Now, I believe any one can receive answers or revelation through an angel. However, if we tell God that is the ONLY way we will receive the answer we are not really willing to receive. He may be totally willing to send us an angel in answer to our prayer, but if we are not humble (opening our whole selves up to receive) we are not really ready to receive the answer.

I have heard people talk about the greatness of the Prophet Joseph Smith. He is great, I agree. He endured many things I probably could not have. Yet, we glorify him. He was just a man. He was not a God. The glory goes to God. It was his faith in God that allowed him to endure. We are human, just as the Prophet Joseph Smith. He receive many great revelations. Some personal, but most globally for the membership of the church. When he saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ he was not asking what direction a group of people should take. He was asking for personal revelation. "What church should *I* join?", he asked. It wasn't revelation for his family he was seeking, it was for him. I believe God is willing to give us just as great and spectacular personal revelations as the Prophet Joseph Smith received.

I have great faith that I am worthy and deserving of personal revelation. I believe that if I allow God to give personal revelation to me and I open my whole self up to those revelations I can receive many great things. I am willing to receive in any way that he will give to me. Small and simple things are just as profound and life changing as the great and spectacular. I have an experience with personal revelation I will share in another post. This experience taught me that personal revelation doesn't need to be great and spectacular, that small and simple things are sometimes best and just as fabulous as receiving an angel or seeing the face of God.